Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
