**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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