Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Randomize
