So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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