I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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