I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
