how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
