Is it because I queefed?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
