I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
