Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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