It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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