upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
