do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
