the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
