I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
