Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
