I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
