His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
