I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
