Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
