garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
