i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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