he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
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