Where did you get a picture of my penis
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
