if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
