i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
