I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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