it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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