Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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