i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
