Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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