oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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