dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Im part way to drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
