I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
