why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
