oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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