I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
