please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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