So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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