Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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