There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
