Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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