this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
