if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
