this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
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