you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
