When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
