So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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