I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Holy shit dude........stairs
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