I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
