Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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