Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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