she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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