the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
