I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
whose parrot is this?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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