chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's blow job season.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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