My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
