I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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