bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
