My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need a burrito and a hug.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
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